Deliberately or not, it seems we choose to work with people who are just like us.
“You subconsciously look for points of similarity in everyone you meet because similarities make you feel safer”, crowed a recent Forbes article.
The article reminded me of those distant times when I recruited the wrong people, just because something about them felt ‘right’. In reality, I’d probably sensed that we were a bit alike, not that they’d be any good at the jobs I was advertising for.
(Particularly those jobs that didn’t require an innate sense of awkwardness, a seething hatred of small talk, and an annoying ability to criticise the little things).
(To all my former employers, I’m sorry).
I’ll confess that even now, the clients I like the most are the ones who are similar to me.
If I have to explain my thought processes, my working methods, or the way I calculate my costs in too much intricate detail, a tidal wave of indignation washes over me.
They don’t get it. We’re not the right fit.
The real truth is this: I don’t want anybody to question or challenge the way I am. That way, I can stay in my bubble and not have to change.
(I’ve been assured that that’s normal. Honest).
Where this approach really falls down, however, is when it comes to learning new things. If we choose only to work with people who are like us, how can we possibly stretch ourselves in the right ways?
It’s fine, if you’re learning in name only. If all you want is to say you’re working on something new and exciting, so you can talk about how clever you are on social media.
I’ve definitely fallen into that trap before.
But since I’ve been working for myself, I’ve had to step right outside of my comfort zone, if you’ll excuse the bland turn of phrase.
I suppose it all started with Careershifters, and the intensive, eight-week course I took when I realised a career in HR was no longer for me.
The process involved joining a private Facebook group consisting of over 100 people – something that, as a confirmed introvert, I would never normally choose to do. I worried about being drowned in a sea of clamouring voices, and I considered cancelling the course before it had even started.
I stayed put only because I had no idea how to change career on my own, and I was desperate for something interesting to happen. So I held my breath, I threw myself into the group, and I actually became one of those clamouring voices I worried so much about.
The result was that I did manage to change my career, and I’m still going strong as a freelance writer almost four years later.
It happened mostly because I followed advice and learned from the experiences of people who were nothing at all like me.
These days, if I want to learn something new, I don’t try to find someone just like me to teach it. Instead, I think about everything you need to be really good at it, and then I seek someone out with those exact qualities.
That’s how I ended up learning how to be more personally creative from a vibrant, extroverted coach who doesn’t live in her head, but out in the real world.
I became sharper, less distracted, and focused enough to write and publish three books, partly because I took a course created by a computer science professor who specialises in tech-free living.
Then I learned how to be more engaging and spontaneous through joining an improvised comedy group, full of warm, funny, and interesting people.
(I also learned Russian from a fearsome native speaker, but I fear her terrifying qualities were far more like mine than I’d care to admit).
The moral of the story? No matter how scary it seems, learning from difference will benefit you much, much more than the comfy mediocrity that similarity brings.
So, as we head into a brand-new year, what would you most like to learn?
I'm a friendly and professional writer, reviewer and editor who works with warmth, humour and flexibility.
Reader, I called bullshit.
Read moreGood listening is more than just letting people talk.
Read moreHow to take the pressure off... and just enjoy being creative.
Read moreWhat's in it for me?
Read moreHow not to drown in other people's opinions.
Read moreGet ready to shed the skin of summer, and begin a new creative project.
Read moreIn these unprecedented times, words count.
Read moreMaybe you haven’t done anything with that idea yet, because it’s just too vague.
Read moreExplaining what’s blatantly obvious to you, could turn out to be advertising gold.
Read more"For online gatherings, your personal catering choices are king."
Read moreDon't let spelling and grammar fears stop you from writing.
Read moreThis is a story about a career transformation. And Take That.
Read more"You can’t be on somebody’s side, if you don’t know what they think or how they feel".
Read more...they were learning how to express their true feelings in words, and the results were honest, uplifting, and totally magnetic.
Read moreNo matter how scary it seems, learning from difference will benefit you much, much more than the comfy mediocrity that similarity brings.
Read more"If you want to grab readers’ attention, you have to start with the heart."
Read moreMy journey from terrified mumbler to casual speaker, in easy-to-follow steps.
Read moreIf you have trouble motivating yourself to write that next blog post, whisper a little reminder: this could be a book one day.
Read moreThere’s something fascinating about a group of people being silly on stage, especially when they’ve probably all got mortgages and serious jobs.
Read moreStruggling with writing a novel? Find the courage (and the effort!) to really get to know your work.
Read moreThis is a blog post unlike any other.
Read moreAs a freelance writer, taking a break is always a challenge. But I push on through the guilt, and here's why.
Read moreReviews get read, because people assume they might be useful. Don't disappoint them!
Read moreHas your marketing strategy got room for some unexpected magic?
Read moreThere's a magic ingredient that will help you start a new writing project, and see it right through to its rewarding end.
Read moreIf you've always wanted to write a book, but were put off by the people who already have - help is at hand!
Read moreWhere's the value in empty business gurus?
Read moreHow to sell your amazing ideas to a brand-new audience.
Read moreHow regular blogging will boost your business - as if by magic!
Read moreIf you're too embarrassed to give (or receive!) compliments, writing it all down can work wonders
Read moreIt's Universal Letter Writing Week - how will you celebrate?
Read moreI’ve gathered together some of my most-read blog posts, tips and tools to help you get writing.
Read more"The right person will help you come across as yourself, but in a prouder, more polished, 'look what I’ve achieved' kind of way"
Read moreWhen you give people a piece of yourself, you will naturally engage them.
Read moreSimple tips to help you breeze through any interview scenario.
Read more"If you like someone, you might be tempted to look for excuses to work with them, even if their particular skills aren’t what you need."
Read moreFocus on telling interesting business stories that reflect your ideal customers’ lives back to them.
Read moreKeep your summer content fresh and updated to be remembered all year long.
Read moreHow to become every freelancer's favourite client!
Read moreFinding the 'what's', 'whys' and 'hows' of your business will help people connect with you.
Read moreIt takes time to craft compelling
November means #NaNoWriMo - so whatever you're working on, it's time to get it done!
Read moreIronically, it's when you're writing about yourself that you will sound least like you. Hiring a writer to do it for you can bring a whole host of benefits.
Read moreAge aint nothing but a number, right? Wrong - here's how getting older can be great for business.
Read moreWriting books is big business - or at least it can be, if you get it right. For starters, this means not rushing the process!
Read moreA how-to guide for writing the ultimate downloadable guide for your business.
Read moreHeadlines are always difficult to write, so here's an easy way to craft something original for your personal and professional profiles.
Read moreDo you edit your work before you publish it?
Read moreThis week I'm responding to the questions people have asked since my Careershifters' Success Story was published recently - all about creating a writer's life.
Read moreYou don't have to be a professional writer to discover a unique writing voice that speaks to its readers. Finding your own voice is often easier than you might think, and it all starts when you write from the heart.
Read moreIf you know someone who already has everything, give them something truly unique - special words.
Read moreDid you know that so-called 'job-hopping' can be an asset to your career search? Whether you prefer stability or excitement in your career, planning your next move is all about packaging your skills and making the right kind of approach.
Read moreGoing freelance doesn't mean you have to accept every piece of work that comes your way. Being discerning with your time and effort will help you reap the rewards of being your own boss...and you'll get to work with some great people too!
Read more'Greatest Hits' countdowns are rife at this time of year - so now, here's one featuring the best CV advice. This list will give you the ultimate steer if you're looking to get your CV on track for the new year job hunt. Wishing you a very happy 2017!
Read moreWith a new year on the horizon, why not make a resolution to tell your life story? Committing your personal tales to paper can be a rich and rewarding experience for you to write and others to read...for generations to come. Here's how to get started.
Read moreAre you often left with the feeling that you don't quite know enough about all the online tools you can use to promote your business? How about website analytics...shouldn't you be checking them every five minutes just like the experts say? Relax - here's how to take advantage of all the advice available online, by defining exactly what YOU want to know.
Read moreIs time getting the better of you? With a growing business, several passion projects on the go, books to read and friends I'd quite like to see, I was starting to feel overwhelmed...until I decided to take a closer look at planning my time more effectively. Here's how you can do the same.
Read moreBOO! Like a ripe pumpkin Hallowe'en has rolled around yet again, so what better time to extol the benefits of ghostwriting, definitely not just the province of bargain-bin bound celebrities.
Read moreAn encounter with a corporate headhunter made me question my career - why was I still doing something I didn't love? Here's how I formulated my corporate escape plan and found a career I truly enjoy.
Read moreRegular blog posts - especially if you run a business - can drastically increase your following, as well as helping you beat the competition by describing how you do things your way. Read on for a few more great reasons why you should join the blogging revolution!
Read moreSpeaking up in networking groups used to bring me out in a cold sweat. So I sought out the people I really wanted to talk to and introduced myself in the way I'm best at - in writing.
Read moreGetting the tone of a letter right - especially when you're writing to someone you don't know - can be difficult. No matter whom you're writing to, here's how to get started on a letter that's relevant, informative and authentic.
Read moreWriting an online dating profile that reveals the real 'you' takes time and courage - but that special person will appreciate the effort. Read on for a few tips to get you started.
Read moreThe thought of telling stories about a loved one for the last time can be daunting. But you can create the most special memories by recalling all the details that made them human and real.
Read more