What Happens When Your Writing Gets Personal?

When I published my first book, Procrastinations, back in June 2018, a few people commented on how “personal” they’d found it.

The book is a collection of blog posts I wrote before I got divorced, and before I became an actual writer.  Although my blog was ‘out there’, so to speak, I didn’t want to talk about or promote it, because that would have meant exposing my soul.

It just felt cathartic, and even vaguely magical, to write absolutely anything I wanted.  Then, to post it into the universe (for want of a better word!) for a random stranger to stumble across.

The point of this explanation is: I’d been writing that blog for 15 years by the time Procrastinations got published.

Some of the posts I’d written were deeply personal.  But as it no longer felt like I’d written them, it didn’t matter that non-strangers had read them.  Like Alice says in Wonderland, “it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then”.

If you’re worried about sharing your own personal writing, it might be worth bearing this in mind.  Though if you’d rather not wait as long as 15 years, it’s also worth considering that nobody else will care as much as you.

Does that sound harsh?  It’s not meant to.  There’s a strange feeling of liberation that comes after you’ve published a personally vulnerable piece of writing… that seemingly had no impact on anybody else whatsoever.

(I say “seemingly” because you never know who may have read and absorbed it without telling you.  Not everybody leaves a breadcrumb-trail of likes and comments behind them, after all).

Why liberation?  Because now you get to carry on writing into the ‘void’ without having to worry; quietly getting better and better, and stronger and stronger, as you go.

How to write about people you know

I regularly write about my clients, but I do it in a way that makes them personally unrecognisable.  I’ll change names, situations, demeanours… everything.  As long as the gist is there, you can dress the detail up in any costume you like.

I’ve also written about my family and friends, but if it’s something personal I’ll often ask them to read it first.

My second book, for example, features an honest chapter about my relationship with my best friend after she had her children.  I sent it to her before it was published, and I also made sure she knew that I’d change anything she didn’t like.

What if you want to vent about “toxic” friends and family members?

To me, there’s nothing wrong with that (as Anne Lamott said, “if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better”).  But my advice is to write it for your eyes only first, then ask a trusted person to read it through before you send it out into the world.

Or, publish under a pseudonym.

(One of my favourite writers, David Sedaris, is well-known for writing intimately about his family and friends.  His tips for writing about people you know are well worth reading).

Keep going

I know from experience that sharing personal pieces of writing gets easier the more often you do it.

So, keep doing it.

One final thought: does a particular piece of writing makes you feel nervous and exposed?  Then it’s likely you’ve written something interesting… something other people can personally connect with.

In other words, congratulations!

If you’d like to test the writing waters as part of a small, supportive group, my Wondrous Writing Hub will re-open its virtual doors for six weeks this autumn.

As ever, numbers will be limited, so drop me a message if you’d like to know more, or you’re interested in signing up.