What (Not) to Say in a Wedding Speech

I’ve been thinking about weddings quite a lot recently.

First: I’m having one of my own.  It’s not happening until 2024, but there’s already lots to do.  Quite overwhelmingly so.

(For the record, this isn’t my first wedding-rodeo.  But I was almost 20 years younger when I last got married, so I looked better and I had more stamina for the endless list-making.  I’m only just starting to realise how much those things matter!)

Second: I’ve had a recent smattering of requests to write wedding speeches.

I love writing speeches, especially when they’re for happy events.  Not only am I introduced to some incredible-sounding people, but I also get to help celebrate them in words.

Wedding speeches are unique, special moments in time that we don’t get back (well, technically we don’t get ANY moments in life back… but hopefully you know what I mean).

If you’re making one, it might help to know that unless you’re already well-known for your show-stopping speaking gigs, the other wedding guests won’t be expecting perfection.

Mostly, they’ll just be hoping for a few shared memories, a couple of laughs, and a touch of honest sentiment.

You can give them that, can’t you?

Here are a few tips to help you on your way… and take some of the pressure off.

Don’t treat your speech like a stand-up comedy gig

(Note: if you’re a professional comedian, feel free to ignore this advice!)

I’ve been to a lot of weddings.  You probably have, too.

So you’ll no doubt be familiar with the cringy tumbleweed moments that follow many an ill-judged gag, in which the speaker tries their best to turn every sentence into a side-splitter.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes these turn out to be the most unintentionally funny moments from a wedding reception.  But I’ve got a friend who, decades after her wedding, still hasn’t got over a terrible (though well-intentioned) joke made about her looks.

At another wedding, the best man laughed about how he and the groom used to regularly bunk off school and steal chocolate bars from the local corner-shop.

(Up to that point, the groom’s parents had been blissfully unaware of this).

None of this means you can’t be funny.  If you can, you should.  Just know your audience, then focus on weaving in some subtle moments of humour here and there.

Speak as yourself

If you’ve been asked to make a speech, it’s because you’re important to the couple getting married.  They – and everybody else – want to hear from you.

Not some weird, over-polished, jazz-handsy version.

Make fun use of honesty

I was asked to help write a Man of Honour’s speech recently.  The Man concerned mentioned that he’d given two best man’s speeches in the past.  One had gone well, and the other hadn’t.

We turned this fact into a fun and relaxed opener for his speech.  Since he’d done two speeches before with varying results, the guests would have a 50/50 chance of enjoying the next few minutes!

Sometimes, when I’m working with people on wedding speeches, they feel they have to remember every last detail of a story, or they shouldn’t include it.

But they don’t.

Just speak honestly.  If you can’t remember every last detail, it’s OK to say so.

For example, one speech I helped to write contained the line, “There are loads of stories I could tell about (the bride), but as most of them involve drinking, the details are a bit hazy!”

Don’t forget the compliments

Start by saying how fantastic the wedding party looks, then end with something genuinely heartfelt about what the couple means to you.

Do this well enough, and you’ll be forgiven for any slip-ups in between.

Do a test run with a trusted friend

Once you’ve written your speech, read it to a friend who will tell you honestly if something’s missing, or doesn’t work.

Good luck!

And if you need any more help writing that speech… well, you know where I am.