Hooray, I Won an Award!

The email came through yesterday.  It was from SME News, who honoured me with a UK Enterprise Award for Online Writing Coach of the Year 2023!

My award-winning email.

Isn’t that nice of them?  Especially as there’s quite a lot of 2023 still to go.

Hang on a minute, though.  I didn’t apply for a UK Enterprise Award.

I don’t apply for any awards.  “Award-winning business” inspires the same irascible cynicism in me as “degree-qualified candidate” used to when I worked in HR.  Leading with that means you’ll naturally assume I’ll naturally assume you’re good.  But I won’t, because experience has taught me that quite often, assume really does make an ass out of u and me.

(Last week I wrote about how easy it is to become a “best-selling author”, too).

Besides which, I haven’t got time to write endless self-aggrandising applications, and I’d rather not spend my hard-earned cash on awards entry fees.  I don’t have the social-media clout or business growth plans that would make giving me an award worthwhile for the giver, and fancy gala dinners are generally rubbish if you’re vegan.

So, what did SME News want with me?

Ah.  It’s this:

Woo-hoo!

I don’t have to pay all that money, of course!  I could enjoy the ‘free’ package instead, which means I’ll appear in their annual directory.  This is a highly prestigious option that only around 5,000 businesses chose to take up last year, including this one:

This is not fake.

(I wonder how many others were jostling for that particular award?)

What happened next?

I politely declined ‘my’ award, and the accompanying opportunity to take centre-stage – or any stage position – in SME News’s marketing.  I know, I know… it’s a decision I may regret one day.  But we won’t get everything right in this life, and possibly not in the next one either.

Anyway, while I may not be Online Writing Coach of the Year 2023 anymore, here is a small selection of awards I have won, fair and square, over the years.

What’s more, I didn’t have to pay a penny for any of these beauties.

Most Generous Sister, 1984

Inspired by her playschool’s end-of-year ‘prizegiving’ ceremony, my little sister Amy decided to do an awards event for our family.  I was awarded a hand-scribbled paper trophy, beating off stiff competition from our even littler sister, who never once shared her rusks.

Hamstel Junior School Spelling Champion, 1988

I had to sit on a stage with three other finalists, in front of the whole school, and write down the spellings to words read out by our headteacher.

(What riveting audience entertainment!)

“Asthma” won it for me.  This time I was presented with an actual trophy… which looked like it had been crafted from the same cheap wood as the battered old coffee table in our living room.  Said trophy also had a shiny red ‘1^st’ motif on it, which fell off after the bumpy car journey home from school and had to be Superglued back on.

First Prize: European Knowledge Test, 1991

They weren’t wrong about the paltry amount.

Back in the days when we pretended to like the other countries in Europe, I took a test on them at school.  I won a fancy certificate and “prize money” of £5 for my trouble.

Our entire year took that mandatory test, but I was the only one who won a prize.  I had to go up and collect my winnings from our German teacher during assembly, which was extremely embarrassing.

(If you’re starting to think I might not have been all that popular in school, you’d be bang on the money).

Best Travel Blog, 2022

After a long hiatus (there were various ‘Employee of the Month’-type awards during my early career in customer service, but I won’t bore you with those), a company I write for won Best Travel Blog.

I didn’t technically win this award myself, but since I write the blog I sort-of did.  While I don’t get the glory, I do get the inner satisfaction of being quite good at what I do.

Which is what it’s all about, really.

If you’d like to work with SME News’s chosen Online Writing Coach of the Year 2023, I’ve got some fantastic news.

You can!

My latest Wondrous Writing Hub starts next Wednesday (19^th April) and is ideal if you want to develop an idea for a book, blog, article, story… or any writing project that takes your fancy.