Why it’s so hard to write who you really are (and why you honestly should)

Write who you really are, not just what you know.

It recently dawned on me that my freelance writer’s strapline – “writing in your voice” – is a harder sell than I’d originally thought.

Why?  A lot of people prefer writing in strangers’ voices.  Voices that sound more confident, more knowledgeable, or more polished, than they really are.

This fact is particularly apparent in professional profile and CV-writing.  A few weeks ago I was asked to re-write a CV belonging to a new marketing graduate.  “It’s not high-level enough,” she complained of the original.

A few days after I’d sent her the re-written result, she called me with some feedback. “It’s OK,” she sniffed, “but I really wanted you to use words I’d need a dictionary to understand”.  When I asked why, she told me that if she didn’t understand the words, they’d be bound to impress recruiters.

Copywriting as wish-fulfilment: it’s an actual thing

Lots of companies also don’t want to be their true selves in writing.  I once worked on a big re-branding project for a hotel chain that’s well-known for its reasonable rates, no-frills approach, and close proximity to local airports and town centres.

But the copy brief they sent was unrecognisable as them.  Heavily focused on plush furnishings, exceptional cuisine, and ultra-personalised service, it might have been prepared on a gleaming golden typewriter at The Ritz.

(The whole exercise reminded me of Little Chef asking Heston Blumenthal to re-design their menus back in 2009.  It didn’t work: nobody wanted pickled onion atomisers and talking toilets from a budget roadside eatery).

There are lots of reasons why we might not write who we are.

One: it makes us vulnerable.  My CV reads exactly as I think and speak.  So when I use it to apply for a writing assignment and an unknown person rejects it, it feels like they’ve rejected me.  On some days, that’s hard to take.

Two: we try too hard to impress.  It’ll come as no surprise that the marketing graduate whose CV wasn’t “high-level enough” was really worried that she wasn’t high-level enough.

Three: we think more about what people might want to hear, than what we actually want to say.  See: most online dating profiles and website bios.

Four: we don’t know who we are, so we copy what other people say about themselves instead.  Or we use tools like ChatGPT.  Sounding like the sum total of everything that’s already on the internet is tempting because it’s tried and tested; you won’t inadvertently say something that frightens the horses.

But here’s why you should try.

One: you’re much more likely to find the right match for you, whether that’s a career or a soulmate.

Two: if you try too hard to impress and succeed, you’ll run the risk of impostor syndrome biting you on the bum.  If you fail, other people will find it hard to trust you, or believe in the things you tell them.

Three: writing who you are means you’ll give other people a chance to get to know you better.  You’ll also get to know yourself better.

Four: You’ll be more likely to stand out from the crowd; in a lovely, effortless sort of way that people remember.

How to write who you really are

Recording yourself talking about something you’re interested in, then transcribing it, can be a good place to start.   You could also look around for outside evidence… for example, what five words would your friends use to describe you?

Don’t be afraid of nailing your colours to the mast.  The ubiquitous CV statement: “I work well on my own and in a team” only applies to a small handful of people, and you’re probably not one of them (I know I’m not!)

Be as specific as you can. “I like spending time with friends and family” is one of the dullest things you can say about yourself.  “I like potato-printing with my three-year-old and watching classic movies with friends” is better.

If you need some help discovering you in words, let’s talk.

And… if you need some help fleshing out an idea for a book, a blog, or a short story, I’m running an online session with a small group of other writers on Thursday 27^th July.  It’ll start at 6pm and finish at 7:30pm BST. 

You’ll have the chance to share your ideas and listen to others’ (it’s surprising how sharing feedback on others’ ideas also helps you understand your own!) and there will be dedicated time for you to make notes – or even craft a plan.

It’s just £25 to join the session, and places are limited to make sure everyone gets the chance to talk about and offer feedback on ideas.

If you’d like to take a place, message me to book.