How to Write About People You Know

I’m in the process of planning my first ‘off-the-shelf’ online course, Write Your Life Story.  It’s all very exciting.

I’ll be drawing on my own experiences as a ghostwriter, of course.  But I’ve also been mining my brain for life-story-related questions, asked by various clients over the years.

One of the most popular is: will I get into trouble if I write (this or that) about someone I know?

“You own everything that happened to you.  Tell your stories.  If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” (Anne Lamott)

You’ve probably guessed that there isn’t a simple “yes” or “no” answer to that question. It all depends on the person and the circumstances you’re planning to write about.

But generally, my advice is to write from your heart first, then edit from your head.

If you want to, you can soften any ‘personal blows’ in a number of ways.  For example, if their version of events differs from yours, focus on facts above opinions, and write with respect and empathy.

This will help you create a rounded story about real, three-dimensional people with good and bad sides.  Not only will you give readers space to draw their own conclusions, but you’ll have written a much better story.  One-sided negativity-fests are as dull as the Thames.

“You can write about a person’s life story and leave them with their most guarded secrets still untold. You can portray them with real flaws and depth without betraying them.” (David Sedaris)

You’ve got the option of changing people’s names, too, and/or even showing them your story once it’s written.

I once wrote honestly about how my relationship with my best friend had changed after she had children.  Before my book was published, I showed her what I’d written and offered to edit anything she didn’t like.

(You don’t have to offer to edit anything, but if you like the person you’re writing about, and they like you, then it’s a friendly gesture they’ll probably appreciate.)

Turning family and friends into characters

When you write about people you know well, it can be easy to forget that your readers don’t know them at all.

So you’ve got to make them live and breathe on the page, as the people they are.

You can do this by drilling into the detail.  Think of your family and friends as characters in a novel, and talk about the ‘little things’ that readers will find memorable.  In other words, don’t think “blue eyes and brown hair,” think “wonky glasses and a home-hacked mullet.”

“Describe your character through their actions. How do they move in the world? If they’re running, how do they run? How do they stand? Where do they go in a crowded room at a party? Are they messy eaters? How do they speak to children? Would they ever pet a strange dog? What would they order in a restaurant? Do they cross their legs every time they sit down? Do they knock on wood?” (David Sedaris)

Add some characterful snippets of dialogue, too.  Write how they speak… if it’s someone you know well, this shouldn’t be too difficult.  Don’t be afraid to write accents phonetically, too.

One client I’m currently working with is experimenting with writing her parents’ thick Irish accents into her life story.  It gives them immediate life and warmth.

(The Scottish crime writer Chris Brookmyre writes fantastic Glaswegian accents – below is a snippet from one of his novels, as an example!)

Are you ready to write your life story?

I’ve just recorded a podcast episode to help you get started.  My online course will gently expand on these ideas, leading you through the writing process step-by-step.

If you’d like to give it a go, just email me and I’ll let you know when it’s ready.

(Don’t worry.  I hate it when people add me to their mailing lists when I haven’t asked them to, so I won’t add you to mine… unless, of course, you ask me to.)